How to blag your way through World Cup 2010 in six easy steps (part 2)

Published on May 17th, 2010

Carrying on from yesterday, we continue our top tips for how to make it through the World Cup with your social life in tact if you well and truly aren’t that bothered about the world’s ‘greatest’ sport. Check out the first three steps.

(Photo: Audrey & Patrick Scales)

4. Wear a colour, not a brand
Do not purchase the official kit of your favoured team. That would only stimulate curiousity as to your knowledge of the team, and would be a sizeable expense too. Just wear your team colour to show support without implying fanaticism. Spend your money on lager instead.

Top Tip: Never wear the colour of the opposing team. There is no excuse or credible escape from confrontation. Bonus Tip: Drink responsibly.

5. Prepare your schedule
Once your team is picked, and attire organised, learn the live broadcast dates and times for all matches involving your team, and those affecting your team’s advancement. Ensure that all usual TV watching be pre-empted in favour of these events. Any planned social interactions must revolve around these matches.

At the very least, you must know your team’s last result, the current score, and be available to watch the World Cup final live and uninterrupted.

Top Tip: A schedule on the living room wall is both a handy reminder and credible evidence support. Do not laminate. Bonus Tip: A table of results and/or points standings is a step too far.

6. Conduct yourself
Over-the-top celebrations are both acceptable and encouraged in the case of any goal scored. Even if your team scores its first goal of the match, having already conceded seven, you can justify your actions as passionate, undying support. In the case of victory over a top side, you may express your delight in the direction of the nearest, non-violent supporter of that team. But first ensure that the majority of the audience around you support your team. Otherwise gloat via text message, Facebook wall post, or tweet. Confused? Don’t be.

Accepted vocal goal celebrations: “Get in, son!” & “Come on!” Accepted physical celebrations: Chainsaw arm pump, bro hug, jumping on tables. Avoid: “Goooooaaaaaaaal!”, knocking over your mate’s drink, chest bumps.

If the opposition scores you may express your discontent in solemn silence, or a motivational statement to help your boys rally. Yes, you are then essentially shouting at the television, but that is accepted and encouraged during the World Cup.

Top Tip: Under no circumstance may you gloat until your team’s positive result is confirmed by the final whistle.


(Photo: Warrenski)

World Cup Cheat Sheet
Timeframe: 11 June – 11 July

Number of teams: 32

Reigning Champs: Italy (beat France)

Biggest winner: Brazil (5 times)

Most goals: Ronaldo (15); the Brazilian striker, who won’t be playing this year, not the Portugese prettyboy who will.

Top fact: Only 7 teams have won the World Cup in 18 previous incarnations – Brazil, Italy, Germany, Argentina, Uruguay, France, England.

England Cheat Sheet

World Cup wins: 1 (1966)

Word Cup 2010 Group C: With United States, Algeria, Sweden

Captain: Rio Ferdinand presently, but not guaranteed to be, come the Cup. Almost certainly will not be John Terry though.

Players to Watch: Wayne Rooney, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, John Terry, and Whoever starts in goal.

Players to Miss: Legendary striker Michael Owen and legendary looker David Beckham are both injured and will miss out.

Top Fact: England won all but one match in qualification for the World Cup finals

Liam Camps

To keep up with Liam, follow @the_dos on Twitter.

Comments

  1. Posted by Ceola Belix on May 18th, 2010, 01:14 [Reply]

    Pretty sure it was France that Italy beat in the 2K6 final…on penalties…and after a glorious head butt by Zidane!
  2. Posted by Liam Camps on May 18th, 2010, 01:22 [Reply]

    Indeed. I am flawed. I fail at faking it.
  3. Posted by Ceola Belix on May 18th, 2010, 01:26 [Reply]

    change it and delete these comments so no one would have to know
    • Posted by Liam Camps on May 18th, 2010, 01:52 [Reply]

      It’s actually not the only typo in this tragically flawed piece.
  4. Posted by Ceola Belix on May 18th, 2010, 01:14 [Reply]

    Pretty sure it was France that Italy beat in the 2K6 final…on penalties…and after a glorious head butt by Zidane!
  5. Posted by Liam Camps on May 18th, 2010, 01:22 [Reply]

    Indeed. I am flawed. I fail at faking it.
  6. Posted by Anonymous on May 18th, 2010, 08:16 [Reply]

    Thanks for noticing! We’ve corrected the errors so crisis averted. :-) I clearly can’t even hack blagging it.
  7. Posted by Ophelia_was on May 18th, 2010, 08:16 [Reply]

    Thanks for noticing! We've corrected the errors so crisis averted. :-) I clearly can't even hack blagging it.

Reply

Comment guidelines, edit this message in your Wordpress admin panel